mmhmmm..

im shooooo bored..
jokes for the day ;


It was a hot day outside.

.so the three nuns decided to take off there clothes and bolt the door to there church.

Since there was stain glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was locked.

The nuns were busy doing renovations when a Thud Thud Thud hit the door.

The shocked nun

ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when she asked "Who is it"?

The reply from behind the door was "Its the blind man".

The 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no problem they figured, and let him in.

Upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said "Holy shit sister nice tits!! ... Where do you want your blinds? "

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a couple was walking.

they passed a wishing well, so the husband decided to make a wish.

he made a wish, and threw in a penny.

the wife thought, she would do the same thing, but as she was leaning over to make her wish, she fell over and drowned in the well.

the husband was stunned for a while but smiled thinking

"wow, it really works ;p"

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A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, Is God a man or a woman?”
“Both son. God is both.”
After a while the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?”

“Both son, both.”
The child returns a few minutes later and says,

“Daddy, Is Michael Jackson a God?”

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes!

He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck.

If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you.

Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.

This guy is probably very dangerous.

If he gets angry, he’ll kill us.

Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

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There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.

Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!
The Japanese exclaimed, “What??… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!

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last one for the day =P

Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table.
To decide who’s going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one.“Break it to her gently,” they all urge.

“Leave it to me,” he says. When Smith’s wife comes to the door, Anderson says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.”
“How much?” the wife yells, eyes blazing. “Tell him to drop dead!”

kay kay, bye bye :)